The Midwife From Hell

Laying in a puddle of blood on top on a gurney my second baby was born. Lifeless, pale, blue, and silent. My vision seemed to be blurry as though I was watching a horror movie through the lens of a camera. I knew something was wrong and the Midwife was not there. Something was very wrong

I remember that day. That morning I knew I had to let you go. I was so hopeful. I was so faithful. My pain was real. I wanted to un-do it. I wanted to rewind time. I was lonely. I felt like a small child, feelings on the ground. I had to be strong because people were watching, waiting on me to break. I remember the late night drives to the hospital just to see you lay there, breathing but not alert. My heat broke every time I left your room and couldn't take you home. Deep down I knew the nightmare would eventually end but I never knew you were my sacrifice to wake up. I remember when your father was not strong enough to see you the way you were but I had to be. I was still your mommy. I hated not being able to be with you for 24 hours of the day. I have no idea the things they did to you  when I wasn't around. The bad new never stopped. I felt the doctors were so tired of comforting me that their support began to diminish when the medical charges continued to rack up. You ...

I wonder how many women lost their baby to home birth and are just not speaking out about it? I wonder how many are blaming their self for the tragedy? I always wonder why the women decide to keep quiet. Actually, I know why they keep quiet. I remember when I first decided to open up about loosing my daughter to home birth, I remember how cruel women were to me. I was called every name in the book. I remembered getting so much hate mail. I remember so many women sharing my blog post in other groups talking bad about me. I remember all of that and if your not strong enough to deal with that, I can see why a woman would opt out to not share that tragedy. Maybe the women feels as though it was their fault. Maybe the midwife was able to brainwash her client making her feel like she did everything she could to save their baby.If you had your baby at home and something happened to your baby I just would like to let you know that all options were not exhausted. I started this blog to educat...