Sunday, January 24, 2016

Memoirs from Dreah Louis

I remember that day. That morning I knew I had to let you go. I was so hopeful. I was so faithful. My pain was real. I wanted to un-do it. I wanted to rewind time. I was lonely. I felt like a small child, feelings on the ground. I had to be strong because people were watching, waiting on me to break. I remember the late night drives to the hospital just to see you lay there, breathing but not alert. My heat broke every time I left your room and couldn't take you home. Deep down I knew the nightmare would eventually end but I never knew you were my sacrifice to wake up.

I remember when your father was not strong enough to see you the way you were but I had to be. I was still your mommy. I hated not being able to be with you for 24 hours of the day. I have no idea the things they did to you  when I wasn't around. The bad new never stopped. I felt the doctors were so tired of comforting me that their support began to diminish when the medical charges continued to rack up.

You know, the sad part was the midwife never showed up one time to the hospital. She never seen you one time in your hospital bed. I felt betrayed, to have put trust in someone and the treatment afterward being so diabolical, it was sad. The lady responsible for your delivery never came to see you. That hurt the most. What did I get myself into? Nights of no sleep, grief, depression and no to forget to mention everyone was upset with me because my decision.

It was enough to make you insane. I was enough to make you want to kill yourself.  Everything was falling apart. My family, my marriage, my body was hurt, my heart had a large hole. I had never felt so alone in my life but I had a new baby girl. She was beautiful. I felt it was unfair to her because she was born under harsh circumstance and it wasn't her fault. I told myself I was going to have to pull myself together for her. She probably didn't see my smile until at least 3 months.

Pain is real. If you have ever lost a loved one you understand what I am saying. I decided to be grateful that I was still alive and my 1st twin was still able to bless me with her presence. Healing myself and my family took a long time. My husband and I are lucky to of had a strong friendship before we had children and marriage because I think that if it wasn't for our strong friendship and bond we wouldn't have made it after Aminah's death.

When I created this blog it was initially for my twin daughter Akilah. During my hard time I started the blog to just write my feeling down instead of keeping them bottled inside. I received so much criticism when I started the blog. Women wrote very mean, cruel, and unethical things to me despite my loss. I was called all type of names and I can't recall how many personal emails I got from people that shamed me. Many times I was a click away from deleting the whole blog but then  I started receive positive feedback from the women that mattered the most. Women who were about to home birth and didn't have all the facts. Women thanked me from all over the world for sharing my story. I truly believe that was the point intended when I initially made this blog. My vision was to clouded then to realize it.

As my twin gets older I want her to have memories of her mother's fight and struggle to keep her sister's name relevant. The death of my daughter has made me the woman that I am today. Not a mother proud of the decision I made a few years ago but the way I handled my dilemma after the account. Never have I or would I ever try to ignore that fact that my daughter didn't live. What I will do is honor her name the best way I can.

-Memoirs from Dreah Louis
"The Midwife From Hell"

Monday, January 18, 2016

Ban Home Birth

I wonder how many women lost their baby to home birth and are just not speaking out about it? I wonder how many are blaming their self for the tragedy? I always wonder why the women decide to keep quiet. Actually, I know why they keep quiet. I remember when I first decided to open up about loosing my daughter to home birth, I remember how cruel women were to me. I was called every name in the book. I remembered getting so much hate mail. I remember so many women sharing my blog post in other groups talking bad about me. I remember all of that and if your not strong enough to deal with that, I can see why a woman would opt out to not share that tragedy.

Maybe the women feels as though it was their fault. Maybe the midwife was able to brainwash her client making her feel like she did everything she could to save their baby.If you had your baby at home and something happened to your baby I just would like to let you know that all options were not exhausted. I started this blog to educate women on the risks of home birthing. I tell women the truth. You may not see my blog with the other blogs about home birth disasters because women initially don't search for tragedies or disasters when education themselves about home birth at the begining. Women go straight to the beauty parts about home birth. Watching Youtube videos, reading beautiful birth stories, watching home birth movies, asking friends whom have home birthed, reading crappy statistics on the safety, reading the NARM site, speaking to prominent doula's, or whatever else the woman can get her hands on.

I wonder if the horror, disaster, tragedy stories were put in the for front of the search engines what would the effect be? If women were able to see the negative aspects of home birth before seeing the so-called positive aspects of birthing at home, I wonder would women continue on their quest of having babies at home? Most likely many would still take that risk but I can assure you if I would have read home birth disaster stories first and not seen beautiful home birth twin stories on the net I probably would still have my twin baby girl now.

Years have gone by and my twin daughter Akilah is getting bigger and bigger. Every time her birthday comes around I have this bittersweet moment. Her birthday brings back so many sad memories. When Akilah was born me and her father did not get to properly celebrate the birth because we were so miserable. Although we were miserable we still have to be strong and celebrate the beauty of May 24th.  Yet in 2014 we had one baby alive and one baby fighting for her life. A baby who never got the chance to be delivered properly.

For that reason alone that is why I truly started this blog. I feel it is my duty to protect other mothers from the same situation happening to them.

Home birth should be banned in America. There is absolutely no accountability. Until there is some, no woman should be able to birth at home. There is a lot of work that needs to be done with these midwives and no more babies should have to die in the hands of careless midwives.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

The Mid-Witch

I dedicate this chapter of my blog to the Mid-witch. I know your probably thinking what is a Mid-witch? A Mid-witch is a Midwife Witch. This Mid-witch is a woman that happens to be a midwife by profession but a witch by night. This woman studies birth, women, and babies but also does witch craft. I know most people reading this right now probably think that this is a joke but I am being so serious. The Mid-witch is sent out all over the world to do dirty work. I always wondered to myself. Did The Midwife From Hell that I chose, did she do what she did on purpose? Maybe she was jealous of my me because I was having twins. Maybe she sabotaged my birth on purpose. Maybe this isn't the first time she has done this. Maybe she did what she did because she knew that she was going to get away with it. The Mid-witch relies more on wit and faith when attempting to delivering babies. The Mid-witches worships the devil. Mid-witches don't use common sense. These women will do magic, put you under their spell. Persuade you that nothing will happen to you or your baby. Many may think that I am going overboard about Mid-witches but don't think that I am to crazy. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but mid-witches are all over the world. Don't let a mid-witch flatter you so much that you are blinded from thinking rational. Sometimes if not often these mid-witches hope to find a easy, naive, gullible women to prey on.
                                                             The Midwitch

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