Tuesday, November 5, 2013


                                       Me and Kanoy at her Baby Shower 32 weeks pregnant
Me and Kanoy

The pictures at top are of Me and my friend Kanoy (kah-noy). There in the pictures we are both pregnant with twins .Hers twins are fraternal boys (di/di) and my twins are identical girls(mono/mono). We have been friends for a couple of years now. Her boyfriend Mike and my husband are really good friends. and we would double date often. Her and I were friends a year before she became pregnant.  Before Kanoy got pregnant she would talk about how bad she wanted to be pregnant. Me already with two children I would remind her how fulfilling my job as a mother and wife was. As time went on  Kanoy and I talked over the phone from time to time. Both of our lives became busy. She worked at a daycare center in the city and my Enrolled Agent job kept me very busy. During a visit at home  one evening Mike told my husband that Kanoy was pregnant with twins I was so shocked, TWINS! I didn't know anyone but one other woman with twins. After that evening Kanoy and I talked many nights over the phone about her twin pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant soon after Kanoy I found out I was too pregnant with twins. We couldn't believe the coincidence. As we grew together pregnant with two babies we shared our twin pregnancy together. No one could relate to either one of us except for each other. Having the same due date makes the twin circumstance even more surreal. It was scary how similar our pregnancies were. We would talk about how we envisioned our labors. We would also talk about who we wanted to be around on the birthday of our twins. We also talked about how we planned to deliver. Kanoy planned for a hospital birth for her twin boys. Her OB discussed letting her go to 37 weeks not a day past. Kanoy would call me many days and give me updates on her appointment and so would I. My appointment were more on the bland side compared to Kanoy's due to the difference of hospital and home birth setting. Her appointment were a lot more scheduled and monitored than my appointments were. She had many ultrasounds, labs, and stress test done. Many nights on the phone I discussed my home birth plans with Kanoy. She was always excited about the idea of a home birth. She always would talk about coming if she didn't have her babies before my babies.

At Kanoy's baby shower I was able to see what it was like to buy things for two babies at a time (I've never had a baby shower). So much stuff and two of everything. There were so many people who loved and cared about her. The love was in the air and the food was good. We played fun baby games( I won some). Kanoy tugged me along all night with her telling everyone I was pregnant with twins to. After the baby shower me and Kanoy hugged and rubbed bellies. Who knew when we see each other again. We did loose contact for a while. She was busy being pregnant and working at her daycare and I was so wrapped up in my job and being pregnant was truly taking a toll on me. We would text each other from time to time to check to see how everything was going. Still no babies. Kanoy was 35 weeks when I got a phone call that her water broke and she was on the way to the hospital. I was so excited. I tried to stay busy to keep my mind off of what was going on with Kanoy at the hospital. My husband and I received a phone call from Mike he was crying on the phone. My husband asked what was wrong. He told us that one of the babies wasn't breathing. I started to cry. I couldn't stop. I fell to the floor and sobbed for Kanoy. I talked to her via text message two days later. She was in the hospital recovery room. She told me that she has been hurting bad. She couldn't believe she lost her son. I asked her what happened. She told me the story. She told me she woke up to pee, she stood up and her water broke. She told me that she called 911 and then called Mike. Kanoy then told me that ambulance showed up and transferred her to her hospital. When she got admitted the first thing they did was immediately hooked her up to the machine to be monitored. 
She said the screen showed images of the babies and fetal heartbeats. She said they couldn't find a heartbeat for the second baby. She said that she started to panic and the heartbeat of the other baby began to become a problem. Crash C-section is what she said they did.

Kanoy gave birth to one living baby boy C-section, sadly, the other twin baby suffocated in the womb. She said that she wept everyday in the hospital. She told me she allowed her son to lay in the same room with her in a crib until she was ready to let him go. She told me she took pictures of both of boys together.  Kanoy told me that she cried when she held his body. "Andrea I wanted both of my babies," she said. Kanoy eventually took her live son Michael home from the hospital she told me that she made funeral arrangement for  her other son that passed. She invited me. I thought about going but apart of me couldn't go because I had never been to a funeral and I was pregnant with twins and my heart was so sad for Kanoy and Mike. Little did I know I was going to be planning a funeral for my twin daughter. Kanoy did have an autopsy done on her son. The report showed that he was deceased in her womb for 7 days. Report showed fluid in the lungs. She didn't understand why her son died if she was being monitored so much. We talk still every so often. When we do talk we always talk about how we both notice twins more than usual. We helped each other during our tragic time. We truly felt each others pain

Kanoy Fraternal Twins water breaks Hospital Birth 35weeks C-section outcome: 1 live birth 1 death
Andrea Identical Twins  water breaks Home Birth 40 weeks Vaginal outcome: 1 live birth 1 death

What I am getting at here is it seems as thought black women are given poor prenatal treatment at home and in the hospitals. Very sad. People told me that I should have went to the hospital to have my babies and I said you know your probably right. But here is a women that did the hospital thing, and it still went all bad. People always want to point out small details and explain to me  how Kanoys birth disaster and mine were completely different but in all honestly we had the same results because we were both pregnant and our caregivers were White and could care less about us or our black babies!

The Midwife From Hell

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