The Midwife From Hell

It's unfortunate the midwives have the satisfaction of having their own court system. Meaning they are the judge, jury, and the attorney. It's not fair it just how the midwife rules go. When something goes wrong with a home birth the parents have the satisfaction of knowing that they will not get a fair trail. There are many home birth disaster stories out on the web and many have not received any justice in their unfortunate case where the midwife was indeed responsible for the death or birth injury of a child.  The even sadder case is that midwives and government officials see nothing wrong with midwives governing themselves. Of course, I would assume that midwives wouldn't mind having complete control over what happens to their fellow practitioners but in all reality many births have been hidden and swept under the rug. It is no secret that midwives will try to protect themselves from the law. They will do any and everything necessary to make sure that nothing goes to ...

Believe me I am trying. The events of that night and flashbacks about the negligence that I received is what still flashing through my memory bank. I can;t believe it, it's been over a year that my baby Aminah has been dead and I am still fighting for her. No matter how much my life has continued on I still feel I need to fight for my daughter. Today Aminah, I called a couple more attorneys and the second one pretty much laughed in my face and hung up the phone. How you died daughter, was tragic and sad. The way that people in charge around me acted at the time of your entrance into the world was horrible. I wish I could take the night back and do it all over again. Having a baby at home is serious business. It takes a lot of knowledge and preparation. Midwives are so disconnected from the law its scary. I remember going to the Malpractice Insurance Lobby Assembly in Jefferson City. Even the lawmakers are detached from the idea that midwives don't have to be held legal...

 I am so tired of people linking my blog. I guess when I started the blog I didn't think about all the people that would be exploiting me and my daughter. That's why I set up a paid subscription. When I go to my statistics page and I see that there is traffic coming to my blog I always go to the source to find out who has linked my blog and what they are talking about. First of all the titles of the post are so disturbing, especially from the Doctor bloggers. They really have no compassion. They just write to get readers and they do not get permission to even use women's stories in their blog, they just do it. One doctor told me that they did not have to get permission to use my story, they said I uploaded my blog for the world to read and they were not going to be taking it down. I said, "Oh Really?" So I rather no one read my blog then people just wanting to read a story to talk about me in forums. Again I feel like I have to say this. My blog is for educ...

Yes I said it! My Blog is My Blog. I put up the information and I develop the titles in which I speak about. As Dr. Amy Tutuer has told me via email that, I put up my blog for the whole world to read and she did not have to get my authorization.That may be true but in all reality it just shows that you really have no respect for the cause and the only reason why your blog is relevant is because you exploit women and their dead injured babies. LETS CALL IT HEALTH GOSSIP. That is what your blog is health gossip. For my blog is for EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. Not for exploitation. The Blog The Midwife From Hell is my blog. I do not appreciate the linked traffic to my blog for non educational purposes.To all the women who have link this blog to share statistical facts and to have heated debate about hospital birth vs. home birth. It is disrespectful to the original blogger and most likely permission was not obtained. Specifically to Dr. Amy Tutuer your blog is completely irrelevant. Y...

IT EXIST GET OVER IT! To all the women on the Skepitcal OB Forum that commented and said that I was wrong. Screw You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To Dr. Amy I still think your a bitch for taking my daughters name and using it on your website without my consent and also for exploiting me in a time when I was grieving. Screw You Too!

Ibeji mean "twin" in Yoruba. One soul two bodies. Twin are considered magical. My mother gave me these as a symbol of the birth of my twins. This isn't the first set that she has given me but this is my favorite. Aminah is the one in the purple and I keep them in a special place in my home. Normally what the Africans do is have wood carvings made of the twin that passed and they keep them in sacred places and they do rituals with the Ibeji's as remembrance and spiritual balance for the surviving twin. The culture believes that the second twin born is a spiritual messenger to the first twin before entrance into the world. What the Yoruba tribe believes is before both twins are born the second twin tells the first twin to show if the world or life will be good or bad by crying in the spiritual world. Based on the cries in the spiritual world before the birth of the first twin will determine if the second twin will be born alive or stillborn. The Yoruba tr...

  Didn't think that I would be back in this situation again so soon but I guess so. Here is me again pregnant 21 weeks and not a day goes by where I don't think about my Twin Aminah that did not survive my home birth. How I wish that I could take back moments but I can't. A mother's love runs deeper than an ocean for the love of her children. I know many mothers that have lost babies due to many reasons. I just want to always remember that your short life has humbled me as a woman. Regardless of what people think about me, no one loves you and thinks about you more than I do. God blessed me with your counterpart twin Akilah. Every day I look at her I think about you because she is you and you are her. A true example of dual existence.   GREETINGS TO NEW LIFE

THE EXPERIENCE SUCKED............... THE MIDWIFE WAS HORRIBLE AND SHE DIDN'T TREAT ME  RIGHT...... THE HOSPITAL TREATED ME LIKE SHIT...................... THE PARAMEDICS TREATED ME LIKE A HUMAN, SHOWED UP DIDNT HAVE THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT THE LEGISLATORS TREATED ME LIKE A CHARITY CASE THE ATTORNEY'S WOULDN'T TAKE MY CASE BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T GET ANY MONEY AND BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO REPRESENT ME THE MIDWIFE HAD NO PROBLEM TAKING ALL MY MONEY THE MIDWIFE DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH MY VAGINA. MEANING DOING EXAMS THE MIDWIFE DIDN'T WANT TO SHOW TO THE GRIEVANCE SHE FILED A RESTRAINING ORDER BECAUSE SHE FELT THREATENED BY MY BLACK HUSBAND THE MIDWIFE NEVER SHOWED TO THE HOSPITAL (NO RESPECT FOR ME AS A WOMAN) THE MIDWIFE DIDN'T WANT TO COME TO MY NEIGHBORHOOD (TOO MANY BLACK PEOPLE) SHE WASN'T INTERESTED IN DOING ANY LABS ON ME OR ULTRASOUNDS Most people would say she was just a bad midwife but NO sh...

Research, Research, and more Research we all do it. We research anything we want to know when we need immediate answers to questions that we are unsure of. The question is how much research is enough when deciding to homebirth? The answer to this question is that you can never stop researching your midwife and all the attributes of homebirth. When choosing to homebirth of course all women are exciting about the idea of doing something different something out of the "norm" but in all reality you have to be prepared if your home birth does not go the way you plan. There are many steps that you can take to ensure that you can experience the best quality home birth but beware that here are still may risk associated with a home birth rather if it's planned or not planned. One of the problems with researching home birth you can do a risk assessment on your home birth but you can not predict the day you will go into labor and you definitely can not predict how long you will be...

 My brain will never let me forget how The Midwife From Hell, Joann Falcon stood me up for the birth of my twins. How she didn't treat my pregnancy important is disturbing to me. Sometimes I sit back and rewind the event in my head. I remember calling her three days before the day I went into labor because I had threw up really bad and I just didn't feel good. I called her on her phone and told her that I was having contractions but they weren't regular.She asked me if I thought she should come? I was telling her that I was calling because I didn't now if it was normal to throw up so close to the due date. I had told her that I had not threw up any during the pregnancy. She asked me how far apart the contraction were and I said that they came and went every three or four hours or so. She then told me that I was not in labor and to call her when they were closer together. As a patient was I not entitled to a visit that day. Maybe she should have came and checked ...

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No one can predict the future. No one knows what tomorrow holds. Life can change in a second. Since Aminah passed I have had a new outlook on life. Loosing a child is hard no matter what the age is. No one should have to loose any child especially not to home birth. Recently I have been networking and I have run into so many women who I use to think just like. I would ask the same questions and dive into everything about home birth that I could get my hands on. If I could change just one girls opinion on home birth that is a delicate gesture towards the death of my daughter. I mean "a gift of gratitude". If I could let one woman know that her decision to home birth is more than just a decision. It's a decision and home birth has become something like a cult. When I say cult  I mean home birth has become something like a movement of people that believe in this dream of natural child birth. Most of the time this movement sway women away from hospitals to indulge in the gi...

Being a Midwife is a very serious job. Under rated if you ask me. Just the thought alone that a woman has the sole responsibility of helping deliver babies into the world. There is only one problem with this thought. What If your midwife doesn't show up? What is a woman to do? I can tell you one thing, it's certainly not the woman's fault for the midwife being late or not showing up to a birth at all. You must go into home birth knowing just that. Home birth is risky and hospital births are risky to but there is just a bit of a difference. Might I add more people on staff or shall we say "stand by". My problem with home birth is that there is no tracking method. You know? There is no way of tracking your birth through a system. There is no accountability at the beginning of this home birth thing, but by all means if that's what you as the mother wishes for and the family is to have a birth off the meter ( off the radar,) home birth indeed is for you. Home ...

My Oldest Daughter  Abayomi Simone and My Son Akin Selassie. Wow this picture was a while ago. Now my son is three and his sister is five just about to start school. Mother hood is a beautiful thing no matter what life throws your way. Embrace the experience and love you children beyond limits. Move mountains for your children and fight for them until they are able to fight for their self.

Midwives who reside in Illinois should not be able to cross into Missouri to deliver babies. Midwives should not travel outside of their state to deliver babies at all for time safety issues. This right here can be one step forward towards home birth safety. I mean if CPM's can not legally deliver babies at home in the state of Illinois why should it be okay for them to travel to states surrounding to deliver. This is a mssajor problem for many reasons. 1. Although as a midwife they may work in the state of missouri they do not live in the state which makes traveling necessary to get to clients. We all now that all babies may not wait for the midwife. This is not a risk that a mother should have to consider. Midwives that do not reside may not deliver. 2. If something goes wrong with your birth and your midwife is not stationary, she travels its really hard to locate her. She's like a snake slithering through without being seen in and out of town. 3. The laws are different i...

First and foremost I would like to say that for all who did not know that I am a Black Woman, I AM! I can't help but to mention that because it is relevant to my case. It has been relevant all of my life and sad to say as an adult it has not changed. I still to this day experience racism along my journey of life often. My birth incident and what happened to my daughter Aminah and our family is just one of the so very incidents that I can know highlight in my life as a colored woman. The treatment that my family received during pregnancy and post pregnancy is clear that racism in the eyes of the United States of America has not changed. Most woman that read my blog are non-black woman of course. As I mentioned before most black woman are not birthing at home in this century. Since after Jim Crow laws when blacks begin to integrate with whites we black women were initiated into the hospital system and this is where we stayed. We no longer had to be treated like slaves in nasty unsa...

Shannon Anton from NARM sent the grievance decision on my daughters birthday May 24,2014. I received a certified letter in the mail stating that there focus is on Joann to receive more education rather than punitive action. The letter list the things that Joann is to do in order to keep her license active.. I am just now writing this post because I was disgusted by the decision at first but then I told myself how could I be upset about this outcome. I already knew what this grievance was really about I guess the only thing left to do is educate women on the dangers of home birth #signing off one pissed momma

These are a few documents that I want mommies to see. These are the statements of the two midwives involved in the death of my daughter Aminah. These statements had to be made by both midwives in response to my complaint. The Missouri Midwives Association peers reviewed these statements and my complaint and asked questions based on the events of the night. Forgive me if the images are to small to read. I tried for a very long time to turn these pdf files into a picture file so that they may be viewed on my blog. If you notice the midwife Joann's statement was only two short pages. Very sad. By the way these statements are the closest thing to accountability with hearing personally how the incident happened that night in the eyes of the two midwives involved. Below are the first two pages of Joann Falcons statement that I did not see until I went to the Grievance meeting. These statements were not given to me by the midwife herself but by Rachel the pres...

How many woman's babies died at home from a planned home birth and the mother did not file a Grievance? I know that there are many but woman are scared about speaking out about their decision to home birth after it has went bad. At first it was hard for me to speak out because I was mourning. I was in another world when my twin daughter died. Apart of me died and my family wanted answers. The hospital question came up so much. " Why didn't you go to the hospital."   I eventually just stopped telling people that I lost my twin but there were those people who knew I was pregnant with twins and only see one (this is when the question would come up). I had to except the fact that my daughter died and it was because I chose to home birth. When I started this blog I never said that I didn't hold myself partly responsible for my daughters death. This blog is a Memoir of Aminah and her fight and struggle. It is my dedication to my daughter. I hope she is pleased in th...

Women Meet Shannon Anton. She is a midwife with NARM. (North American Registry of Midwives). She is the person (midwife) in charge of accountability. Meaning if you place a complaint this midwife will be overseeing the Grievance process. All of the recommendations come to Shannon from the state midwife association. I have spoken with Shannon on many occasions about the grievance process as well as the complaint. I started my grievance process when my daughter died in June of 2014. The grievance is still in process and it has actually been in limbo because I went to Jefferson City in support of HB 2189. This is the last email I received it was on March 19, 2014. Shannon Anton To  Me Mar 19 Dear Andrea, I am contacting you from the NARM board, we spoke on the phone in early January. I chair the Accountability committee. As you know, NARM is the agency that administers the midwifery credential Certified Professional Midwife, CPM. Your complaint was initially se...

Because my home birth was unassisted my children were greatly effected by home birth. especially my oldest because believe it or not she is old enough to remember what happened that night. When my husband and I made the decision to home birth I really did picture my two children and my husband standing along side of the birthing pool with the midwife but unfortunately my home birth did not happen anything like I envisioned. It actually happened the exact opposite of perfect. Even to this day my oldest daughter talks about that night. She asks questions about what was happening and she asks questions about what happened in the hospital when Aminah was there. I had to find kind words for my daughter. I had to describe in a child friendly way what happened that night. Still to this day if one of my children gets sick and needs to go to the hospital they show concern in the face because their memories of  that day have embarked a place in their memories that will last forever. Maki...

Never have I been to the Capitol building in my 28 years here on earth. The building architecture is beautiful. The lawn well manicured and the trees swayed beautifully in the spring wind as my husband, twin daughter and I rushed to appear at the 12 o clock hearing on HB 2189 on Wednesday April 16, 2014. I was asked by a few house members to appear to tell my story about my home birth disaster. As I entered the Capitol Building I was mesmerised  by the history hanging all over the walls. Pictures of all the people responsible over the years for laws in Missouri. Indeed my husband and I did feel out of place because we were one of few African American in the building. Sad to see that there were not any African Americans on the wall kind of made me feel uncomfortable. To know that African Americans existence here is well know but know where did I see a face as the same color of my own on in the house. There were children there on field trips, universities visiting; t...

This Chapter of the blog is important because it actually talks about hospital births vs home births something that midwives and doctors debate about all the time. Which is safer? Is a hospital birth safe? Is a home birth safer because of less interventions? My motto is better safer than sorry. I know that women are free to decide on which way to birth and the hospitals can be a little demanding on the way they process women. I believe that in all reality that doctors want to take the safest approach to birth. Do the same for all women = same results. I truly believe that even in a home birth you need a team of people. I a good midwife is connected with good doctors and hospitals, even paramedics, cab drivers, police chiefs, and fire department. These team of people should have relationships with midwives. You need these people on your call list as a midwife in case you may need them one night and very quickly. Hospitals and doctors are protected by insurance "just in case...

If your pregnant and your thinking about home birth let me first say that, "I was once in your shoes." I would dream of how the home birth was going to be. I daydreamed about having my babies at home natural .  I believed in my body. I exercised everyday. I made all natural smoothies, meditated, listened to beautiful music. My husband and I talked to the babies and I felt both of them move everyday of my pregnancy. My pregnancy was beautiful and my belly stretched to the max. 40 weeks is along time to be pregnant 40 weeks is along time but everything was changed in minutes. All my time pregnant changed in minutes. I counted on a midwife that made bad judgment calls with me and the sad part about is that she wont even admit that she mislead me as a client. I feel like race played a major part in my treatment. I mean me being a black women birthing at home maybe she felt uncomfortable and never told me. Maybe she didn't want too take me as a client and just didn't kno...

Does midwifery have true accountability?" My answer to that question is NO! Absolutely not. Based on my situation with my midwife experience there was absolutely no accountability. The midwife didn't even show up to a Grievance meeting about her actions. It took a whole year to get a meeting and the midwife does not show up! The midwives in charge of these grievance meetings make up the rules as they go. My goal is to let other moms know that you absolutely don't want to have to file a grievance because there is no accountability. Take it from a mother who has talked to politicians, lawyers, lobbyist, congressmen, district attorneys, midwives, doctors, nurses and police officers. There is no accountability with home birth if something goes wrong. All you will get is a dead or mental handicapped child and or funeral cost and fees and lets not forget to mention medical bills. Come on who would want that for their self? Absolutely no one. So my advice is to play it sa...

Unfortunately I must say that home birth has indeed left a sour taste in my mouth. Every time I think of a woman home birthing I see "Dead Babies". I cant get these images out of my mind. It is sick and disgusting how non serious these midwives are about mothers and babies. I'm sorry to every midwife who thinks they can deliver babies in "La La Land".  A lot of these midwives are so free spirited that they have forgotten about logic. When a woman chooses home birth she is not thinking about all the things that could go wrong and the midwife is not going to tell you about all the things that can go wrong because indeed it is a business and they don't want to scare their clients into hospitals now do they? Some of these midwives are pitiful when it comes to home birth and their fairy ideas on how birth should be. I am shouting, "get out of the clouds" and pull some logic out a hat. Birthing babies at home is serious and there needs to be a serio...

For some reason I feel like midwives agree that it is okay to be extremely late to births. A birth is so unpredictable. I can not stress enough that each woman's body is unique and different. As a midwife you can not base one birth off of another birth. Midwife's can not play around with time. If as a midwife you have chosen to take on a client and you realize that you stay more than 30 minutes away from her than that's way too far! Thirty minutes is even pushing it if you ask me. I think that this one of the major problems with the midwifery community. Time. Time is of Essence isn't that the beautiful cliche that we all know. It's true. Some women have precipitous labors (very fast) the midwife knows this and still takes on the client and then at the end gambles with time. Believe it or not having a baby at home is truly unpredictable. How does a midwife know ahead of time how long a women will labor? How does a midwife know if that vertex baby won't turn bre...

My husband and I had the Grievance meeting in February regarding the death of our twin daughter Aminah. We showed up at a church in Webster Grooves, Missouri. At first I was wondering why the meeting was being held in a church but I went ahead with it and met the midwife in charge of the meeting, Rachel Williston. She arrived with three other midwives from the Missouri area who did not know Joann and Jennifer personally (I guess so there was not conflict of interest).  When me and I my husband arrived at the church we meet Rachel in a conference room in the back . The first thing that Rachel said when we began the meeting is that she was glad my husband and I showed up and she was sad to say the Joann would not be attending the meeting in person but via speaker phone because she filed a police report on my husband and I saying that we had been harassing her and she was to stay away from us. Midwife Jennifer Konkol showed as well She didn't say anything at all during the ...

A month ago I submitted a release of medical records to Joann Falcon. I was requesting to see a copy of my medical records and the statement of the incident on the day my twins were born so that I may prepare myself for the Grievance meeting. You know analyze the statement and basically see her take of that day. Just the other day I received a letter from Joann's Midwife Lawyer Bobbi Moon that I am to pay for the medical records. PAY? PAY FOR WHAT? I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GIVE HER ANOTHER DIME.  The lawyer discussed the fee in the letter. She stated that the rest of the documents requested like the incident report is for Joann's personal records only and they will not be released. Bobbi Moon also informed me that I am not to have any further contact with Joann and to make all further inquires to her "Attorney Bobbi Moon" So I said to myself this midwife is going to make me pay to receive my medical records as if I haven't paid enough. This is just d...

Each state of midwives have developed a grievance board which is a midwife court system. If you have a complaint about a specific midwife you have to move forward on a written complaint. The board consist of CPM's of the state (most of the time the midwife in charge is whoever NARM appoints to run the state). Each state consist of a Midwife Association and every midwife from the state reports to the MMA when there is an issue or a complaint in process. Because NARM can not physically be in all states at one time they run their organization this way. When a family has a complaint it doesn't matter what the complaint is you have to PUT IT IN WRITING. First you will have to email the midwife association and advise them that you have a complaint against a midwife. They will then send you documents in the mail. In the documents will be a letter stating what the grievance board is and what their role is. The association will provide you with a complaint ...